With all of this fuss being made about the emergence of boxed water, I wanted to take time out of my incredibly busy and totally existent schedule to remind the students of Chatham High School of another environmentally and economically conscious means of consuming that delicious H2O, the water fountain.
Our school is covered with these metal boxes of water, 15 of them to be exact (Not including ones which no longer function), just waiting to be utilized to their full potential. However, just like my grades, not all water fountains are created equal.
As anyone who’s ever drank from a water fountain before knows, a poor water fountain can lead to a wholly unpleasant hydration experience. That’s why I’m here to objectively rank all of the school’s water fountains, with S Tier being only the most critically acclaimed and exquisite hydration stations while F Tier could possibly contain elements not yet known to modern science.
Please enjoy, or don’t!
F Tier: Far-Left B150s; Toilet in the Boy’s Locker Room
D Tier: Lower of the Boy’s Gym Locker Room; Outside of the Orchestra Room
C Tier: Higher Between Band and Orchestra Rooms (Right outside of Bathrooms); Right Downstairs C Wing
B Tier: Between B160s and M Wing; Higher of School Hallway; Middle B150s; Left Downstairs C Wing
A Tier: Higher of the Boy’s Gym Locker Room; Lower of Main Hallway; Far-Right B150s; Both A130s
S Tier: Lower Between Band and Orchestra Rooms (Right outside of Bathrooms)
*a friendly reminder that if I forgot to rank a water fountain, it’s actually your fault for noticing.